On most occasions the Anxious Brain is a brat. It’s
annoying. It’s a pesky tag along in every aspect of your life. But there are
times where it takes a turn for the worst. It crosses over to the dark side…and
I was left in the dark in every sense of the term. I didn’t see it coming and I
didn’t see it happen.
I knew that the Anxious Brain was a trickster. After years
of being daunted by sudden unreasonable waves of complete self doubt I was 100%
certain that it took pleasure in messing with me. However I was unaware of the extent of it's malice... Over time it’s power seemed to be getting too strong. It
took me some time to realize that what I was now dealing with... was a Dark Jedi…
Yep, the Anxious Brain became a pissy little sith lord.
As was mentioned…the first thing to tip me off was the
barrage of sinister mind games. I wasn’t this volatile and I knew it. The Anxious Brain
would strike at any time it saw fit, twisting my mind into an abyss of
negativity and self hated…an atmosphere in which it drew it’s power.
A state which would suddenly dissipate leaving me rather
confused but still mildly convinced of it’s validity...
Smells sithy to me….
I didn’t want to over react but the next clue came soon
after. The next clue was it’s ability to choke me at will. I once thought that
stress alone was the culprit but in retrospect I realized that most of these
choking episodes occurred within the same day as the mind games…
Try swallowing anything other than your memories of taste
when you are being strangled by the iron grip of the force. This was more than
stress…there was some sort of sorcery involved.
Sorcery, yes. Like it’s ability to find every cloud in the
sky and drag it over your head…
The last clue I found with a little help. I connected the dots by following the
steps of every other responsible individual who retreats to the internet to
diagnose their symptoms. Except this wasn’t a job for WebMD…no…I needed Google
power.
“Sith abilities’ It was all there.
Jedi mind tricks = the doubt-storms
Force choke = the random strangulations
Force Illusion = the projected perception of cloudy gloom…
And finally
Force Fear.
The description of Force Fear that I discovered on the highly
reliable Wookipedia was dead on
the mark.
“Force fear was a dark
side Force power and possibly a dark side variant on the Jedi mind trick, used around4000 BBY by Sith and Jedi with dark
side tendencies.
The wielder would strike directly at the deepest parts of the target's mind,
causing an uncontrollable shaking fear that would wreak havoc with the target's
capabilities. Through pure force of will alone, a user could cause them to lose
their courage completely, and if left undefended, the effects could be severe,
rapidly demoralizing the enemy with a feeling of hopelessness and regret.”
That little shit…that was like my last
few days in a nutshell.
I thought back to the string of days
and nights riddled with gut wrenching fear of everything and nothing at the
same time barring me from sleep or any scraps of functionality whilst awake. It
had been plaguing me with the Force and blinding me from the ability to even
know what I was up against. Cowardice to say the least. It was time to take
action.
Apparently I am not the only one with
this problem.
I found a heated debate on the topic somewhere
in cyberspace. They argued the effectiveness of a
carbonite chamber versus a three-barelled shot gun. Some were a little more
simplistic with the suggestion of just chopping off it’s head. To be honest the
nerd level reached infinite proportions and I got bored out of my mind halfway
through. Where the hell would I get a carbonite chamber anyways? I’d be better
off boring it to death with that thread…
No…I needed to fight force with force
and I needed to become a Jedi if I was going to stand a chance.
Now here was the real hurdle. All of the Jedi masters I was aware of were in a galaxy far, far away. Useless turds. Add that to the fact that The Boy banned me from answering anymore adds on Craigslist so now I was really screwed. I was well up sith creek with no Yoda to my padawan.
And this is where I am at, scraping the sides of the earth
searching for clues at to their whereabouts and finding no(bi)one.
Do you see what I did there? That is either hilariously
brilliant or a tediously desperate attempt to be witty…but I am unsure due to
the hour and the tyrannical rein of the newly appointed Darth Braine.
Eckhart Tolle sounds like a Jedi name. I think I am going to
investigate him next.