Why This Blog is So Necessary to Humanity

Tuesday, June 23, 2015


Before I give you today's cartoon...I just HAD to share this.

My addiction is spreading. I nabbed this from The Boy's client email illustrating the typical weight trend when on the refeed protocol.

Do you realize what this is??? His first PAINT DRAWING! I feel like I should put this on the fridge or something...


D-DOMS: When your delayed onset muscle soreness...is delayed...

The last couple days of DOMS was a total sneak attack. I felt totally fine when I woke up after leg day which is usually when it hits me. But after sitting down to write my emails....

Excuse me while I roll to the kitchen for a snack.

Monday, June 15, 2015

The Progressive Levels of Caffeination

'Caffeination' is not a real word. But it should be...

I was never into coffee until I started working graveyard shifts in my late teens. I was always a tea girl. However working back to back midnight to 8am shifts and being incapable of sleeping when the sun is up forced my hand. I will never forget my first sip of crappy, Nescafe instant hampster shit looking coffee. I hated it so much I probably put about 18 tablespoons of sugar in that 16oz Styrofoam cup. Whether it was the insane sugar rush or the effect of the caffeine itself…the taste was worth it and I was hooked forever.

People who don’t drink coffee don’t understand that there are different levels of caffeination...and I don’t mean of caffeine containing beverages. I mean of the caffeine consumer. Until a certain level of caffeine is reached interaction with the consumer can not only be futile but potentially hazardous to your health.

Don’t worry. I will use myself as an example in the following text to help you be a conscious and considerate comrade to the caffeine consumer…or a CCCCC (pronounced "KKKKKKKCH")

Stage One: No Caffeine

Upon waking there is no caffeine in the system. I am pretty much as useful as an unplugged computer. Just like when your computer is OFF it cannot access Word. The brain is completely cut off from the vocabulary database therefore communication is impossible. You would not try to use Google on an unplugged computer. If you can understand that then you can understand why you should not ask someone questions before they have had their coffee…

Stage Two: The Smell of Coffee is in the Air

Don’t get excited. Let’s stick with the computer analogy. At this point, imagine the AddingPins computer monitor detects power. So you’ve plugged it in but you haven’t turned it on. The little light may be on but it is still not an operating unit. I repeat…I am not an operational unit!!! Can you Google now? No. So be quiet. 

You were warned.

Stage Three: The First Cup

Alright. The system is almost fully on.  I’m kind of awake. But as you know…with any computer things take time to load so don’t get all click happy or else everything is just going to freeze up and you’re going to have a bad time.

Just hang in there…personality is uploading and you can enjoy the perks of your caffeine consumer soon enough...

Stage Four: The Second Cup

All systems go. The computer is ON 'for reals'. I am officially a Person with something resembling a personality again. In other words you are allowed to exist in my presence without risk of dismemberment. Oh and you can speak now! 

In general you will find any caffeine consumer to be absolutely delightful at this level of caffeination. 

Stage Five: The Third Cup (not for the weak of heart)

The third cup generally pushes me into hyperdrive and in this state of generalized enhancement I get shit done. Chores. Cooking. Emails. Client plans. Highly important social media updates and super-fantastic blog posts like you are reading now are done with utmost enthusiasm at a speed-of-light pace. Mood is high. Blood pressure is probably high. Overall output is execptional. I am now an uber-productive, MS Paint fiend with cutting wit and a bad case of verbal diarrhoea. My brain functions faster than my mouth so everything just seems to tumble out before going through their usual line of sensitivity filters. 

All interaction at this point is at your own discretion. 

'Caffeine: The only side effect is greatness.'
-Lyle McDonald

Friday, June 12, 2015


Ok...I really shouldn't blog when I am angry like this but this really has me in a rage.

I got a message on a social media account from a follower telling me that a Fitness Icon that I used to follow posted some examples of what a few days of eating looks like for her. She was really troubled by what she saw. I was definitely curious so I had to take a look. What I found honestly infuriated me.

This lady preaches being good to your body. She preaches 'eating well' and listening to your body. She talks about the importance of good nutrition and eating for your goals.

These are all great things right? I agree!

But wait until you see some of her examples of what her 'healthy' meals are...

Here is her 'Post Workout Breakfast'.

This was one of her four 'meals' and it was post workout no less....when you are likely ravenous and in need of replenishing. Really?

How about some examples of her different lunches?

I piece of salmon with FIVE brussels sprouts and a few flimsy shavings of cheese...

Here is another one that made me laugh:

Check out her 'amazing creamy pasta'.

That is a tiny ass plate and an even tinier portion. Are you seriously saying that is all you eat for lunch? These are three different lunches on different days. None of these were eaten at the same time.

I thought...ok. Maybe she is rushing around in the day and only has time for small meals! Maybe dinner will be more substantial? 


Chicken soup. More like Chicken Sip.

Or maybe she'll just have a salad...

I really could not believe my eyes. This is her idea of healthy portions? These are all separate meals from different days of the week mind you. One photo, one meal. She eats these ridiculously small portions and has at most 4 meals per day...

Oh wait...want to see her snack for movie night?

Ok so...why am I all riled up? To be honest, I don't really care if she doesn't eat enough. If that's what she wants to do to herself, go for it. She may have a small appetite or maybe none at all. That's fine I guess.
However...she is setting an example for her many adoring fans.

Fans who may or may not be so willing to eat a whole lot of nothing...but then she says this is how it's done. So they must be wrong right? I mean look at her! She is perfect!

Most people will not be full from meals like these. Most people will barely hit their RMR (what your body burns at rest) from eating meals like this. This is not ok for a lot of reasons. It warps the perspective of what healthy eating is. Being healthy isn't about minute portions from an even more minuscule list of food choices. Under eating like this may result in quick weight loss initially but it forces the body to pick and choose where the few calories that you are giving it goes and basic functions become compromised. Your metabolism shifts down a few gears and all of a sudden weight loss stops...in order to lose weight you either have to eat less or exercise more, both of which are not recommended when calories are already so low...
Then one becomes frustrated. Why don't I look like the original poster of these meals? Why can't I lose weight? Why am I failing again? What is wrong with me?

At this point there are a few ways to go. For some, they give up. They think this whole 'health scene' is just not for them...they go back to regular eating habits and then gain back the weight they lost and then some. Others may stick with it seeing little to no results after time but continue waiting for rain in a lifelong drought. And then...for some...eating disorders can develop. 

It seems melodramatic but I actually know where I am coming from with this. I suffered from anorexia...and it's exactly this sort of thing that triggered me. When I would see such small portions being promoted as a meal I would kill myself to follow suit. I would feel guilty about getting hungry or wanting to eat regular portions of regular foods. I ended up eating less and less until I was down to eating 300-600 calories a day. And all of this started because I wanted to be healthier and I listened to people like this and then everything spiralled out of control...

Under eating also escalates things like anxiety and depression, insomnia...things that all greatly affect your quality of life. This isn't a game...this is people's lives and that is why I feel that such Fitness personalities are unforgivably irresponsible with things like this.

My advice to you? If it looks off and goes against your better judgement chances are something is up. If you compare the physique of this girl to what she is eating it doesn't add up. Not unless there is something else in the equation that isn't being discussed or that all of it is lies to begin with.

Please don't fall for this. This is not ok.